


For Want of a Spoon

by havisham



Category: The Charioteer - Mary Renault
Genre: Adolescent Sexuality, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Awkward Romance, First Kiss, Introverts in Love, M/M, Spoons
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-26
Updated: 2013-12-26
Packaged: 2018-01-06 04:16:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 903
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1102286
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/havisham/pseuds/havisham
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>At this moment, Laurie could feel nothing in himself from which Andrew ought to be protected. With the simplicity which this knowledge made to seem quite natural, he leaned over and kissed him. Even when he had done it he felt no reaction or self-reproach. It was as if it had happened before and they had both remembered. </i>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	For Want of a Spoon

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Luzula](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Luzula/gifts), [inabathrobe](https://archiveofourown.org/users/inabathrobe/gifts).



> The serious lack of Laurie/Andrew on AO3 is an important issue that needs to be addressed! Or, I really wanted to tackle some of the lovely Laurie/Andrew prompts that were floating around this Yuletide. ... And I waited until almost the very last moment to do so. Anyway, I hope this is acceptable! 
> 
> Andrew is a darling, fandom. C'mon now.

It was his very first kiss. 

Andrew almost said so aloud, knowing that Laurie would not ridicule him for it like others would have done. A lull dropped between them and Laurie looked away, his attitude of serene satisfaction began to crack up. He picked up the jug Andrew had abandoned in the sink and began to scrub at it, not looking at Andrew at all. 

Despite the confusion that reigned in both his head and heart, Andrew knew that Laurie could not do his job for him. He nudged against Laurie’s shoulder, and took the mug from his hands and began to scrub at a particularly stubborn spot.

It was not because Andrew felt nothing; on the contrary, he felt entirely too much. Whole volumes of explanations, exaltations, and pleas passed through his brain in the astonishing minutes after the kiss. But he did not know what to say to put Laurie at ease -- or better, to look at him as he had just before the kiss, with eyes that spoke of both love for Andrew and acceptance for himself. 

That Laurie loved him, Andrew had no doubt. 

That Laurie had loved him this way, Andrew had thus far suspected rather than knew -- and he suspected, rather, that Laurie himself did not know. He had tried, in his self-consciously awkward way, to help Laurie along. 

He had begged Laurie, more or less, not to keep him in ignorance. But now, their positions were reversed and it was Laurie who was in that state of agonized uncertainty…

When he looked up again from his task, he saw that Laurie had become embarrassed at his lack of response. Laurie blinked and looked ahead, his cheeks stained faintly pink. He was frowning slightly at the direction of the door, which was slightly ajar -- as always. 

Well, Andrew had never lacked for courage -- only experience. And experience only came from doing something, not just thinking of it. He took a breath before saying in a low voice, “Thank you.” 

It was too low a voice -- Laurie had not heard him, though he flashed Andrew a brief, inquisitive glance. 

“For what?” he said, now giving Andrew an easy sort of smile. He was offering Andrew a way to forget what had happened, to step back to the way things were before. It was kindly meant. Perhaps at one time Andrew would have taken it -- to cover his own confusion, if nothing else. 

But now too much had happened, and he was not afraid. “The kiss,” he said, simply. “It was my first.” 

The look Laurie gave him was not the same, but more wonderful. 

“Andrew,” he began to say, but Andrew was in the grips of fate, which propels one to action after the first step. He kissed Laurie, intending to do it exactly as Laurie had.

But Laurie moved at the same time, and Andrew’s lips landed awkwardly on his cheek. They looked at each other in surprise, and, without being able to help it, began to laugh quietly. 

There was a step outside the door of the kitchen. Nurse Sims entered the kitchen and held out her cup of coffee reproachfully. There had been no spoon with it, she said, severely. When she had got up to get one, one of the patients had been woken by the air-raid signal and become disruptive. Of course, her coffee had been ice-cold when that was over. 

Andrew moved toward her, trying to take the cup from her, but she would not have it. Her ire fell on Laurie at last, and she snapped, “Odell, get back to bed! This is the second time this evening I’ve had to tell you that.” 

Abashed, Laurie apologized and left, with many backward glances toward Andrew. Andrew watched him go steadily. Nurse Sims was adamant about not having her coffee -- though some tea, she admitted, would not go amiss.

She watched him make it, presumably to see that he made no more mistakes. 

Andrew went about the process mechanically, his mind elsewhere. Laurie would leave soon, go to the regular hospital in Bridstow, and then -- who knew? He felt the pain of their separation as if it had already happened. Perhaps Laurie would forget him…

The heat of the kettle and the rising scent of tea brought him back to his senses. He smiled at Nurse Sims when he handed her the cup to her. She took her own spoon and left. Andrew, his work done, could finally go to bed himself. 

After all, Laurie had kissed him, had chosen him instead of the mysterious R.R. Lanyon. Andrew wasn’t a fool, nor was he blind, deaf or dumb. The name on the flyleaf was the same as the crisp-sounding officer who had spoken to him on the telephone. And that disgraced school-friend that Laurie had been so reluctant to speak of --- had that been Lanyon too? 

… Perhaps Laurie had been led astray by this Lanyon, had compromised his values for him in some way. And so he dreaded doing the same for Andrew. But Andrew knew Laurie, trusted him, and had no doubts about him at all. Laurie was faithful and true -- and Andrew loved him well. 

If the future seemed uncertain for them -- well, it was war-time. Whose future was certain now? 

_I must tell him_ , Andrew thought as he began to get ready for bed. _Before he leaves._

**Author's Note:**

> The summary comes from _The Charioteer_ , of course. ~~Which could easily be about time-loops, right?~~
> 
>  
> 
> Thank you to my beta, Naraht!


End file.
